For everyone that doesn’t know her, I’m very excited to introduce our readers to Arden Leigh. Arden is a self labeled Female Pickup Artist, and she offers the most proactive female dating advice I have ever seen. I agree with a lot of what she teaches and think both guys and girls have a lot we can learn from Arden.
If you don’t have time for the full interview, definitely check out the video on Habits, Willpower, and Your Environment. Simple, but super important.
Meet Arden Leigh
When you see a hottie you want to talk to
- 0:26 – 3 ways Arden teaches to approach men
- 1:15 – Arden’s favorite way to start a convo, and how to transition after
- 2:25 – How to start a conversation with a makeout
Create an Attractive Identity
- 1:54 – How to be authentic without “just being yourself”
- 3:09 – Identifying bad habits (habits do NOT equal your identity)
Habits, Willpower, and Your Environment
- 0:34 – CRUCIAL mindset for building new habits and skills
- 1:13 – Why willpower is like a muscle and what that means for using it
- 3:00 – My opinion on the absolute BEST way to improve anything in your life
- 4:06 – One of the most important choices you make that determines the quality of your life (and is 100% in your control)
Advice to 18 Year Old Arden Leigh
“Pick Up Artists”
- What makes Arden different from most of the female dating advice out there
- 1:08 – I ramble about why I don’t believe I’m a “PUA”
- 2:19 – Arden discusses Neil Strauss (aka Style, author of The Game) and his life after The Game, as well as some other pick up artists she’s encountered
Arden Leigh’s Greatest Hits
- The first “I do Kung Fu” moment
- 2:43 – Arden’s Magnum Opus
- 7:10 – Arden’s guide to sleeping with a rockstar
Arden Leigh’s Two Must Read Books
- Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin and The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
- The New Rules of Attraction by Arden Leigh
- 3:10 – Arden admits to going all Trust Me, I’m Lying on us. Well played Arden, well played.
How To Get A Guy To Like You / Be Attracted
I got so caught up talking about other things, I forgot to ask Arden this question! But I know this is what a lot of women want to know, so I asked Arden if she could write something up on it (besides her full book) and she was gracious enough to give me this:
- “First off, I ask a lot of questions. I then follow them up with even more questions, until I can explain back to them things like what they do for a living in kindergarten-level terms. For example, if they work in banking, I make them explain whether they work for a bank, are in charge of investing a company’s money, or individual people’s money, or if they trade stocks, currencies, or futures or whatever. And then I’m like “So, you take people’s money and you invest it in things that turn that money into more money.” I have literally asked a futures trader who traded in agricultural commodities like porkbellies whether Denny’s ad campaigns for Baconalia had any effect on the market — like, I get that literal and simple about it. This is kind of a break state and also creates intrigue and intimacy. It sets you apart immediately from small talk and also lets a person talk about himself in a manner he’s normally not used to. I also ask deep, Arthur Aron-style intimacy-building questions like, “What drives you to get up every morning?” or “If you had to sum up the quality you want most for your life (or in a desired partner) in one word, what would that word be?” This is also useful because you’re gathering information about your target, keying into his likes/dislikes/goals/unfulfilled dreams.
- Throughout that, I will state elicit sexuality, NLP-style. I’ll ask them slightly more provocative but plausibly deniable questions like, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done” or “If you could get away with one thing, what would it be?” I’ll also casually sexualize the conversation in banter, but it’s hard to give examples of that, because what you say kind of has to be in the moment, as a reaction to something they say or something that’s going on; if it looks premeditated it’ll just come off as awkward.
- I’ll physically escalate too, usually starting with a light touch on the hand or forearm and then gradually letting my touch linger longer, leaning in to hear what he’s saying (I’m also partly deaf so I have an advantage in that regard), or placing my hand on his upper arm (this particularly works great if someone else interrupts me to speak; it’s a way of staying engaged with my target and nonverbally signaling that I’m about to return to the conversation).
- Sometimes I’ll go in for a kiss right in the middle of conversation, if I’m feeling it. There has to be that kind of lull in conversation, a sort of flirtatious blush-worthy moment, and then I’ll touch their face and go in for the kiss. Or I’ll simply number-close and find a reason to meet again. Usually midway through conversation I’ll bring up something cool that I want to go see/do — a movie, a concert, a restaurant, a haunted house, whatever — and then later I’ll suggest we go together later in the week. I’ll get his number right then and then text soon after to make plans.”