This has got to be the number one growth-killing piece of advice that gets thrown around out there. “Just be yourself.” We hear it all the time. Especially when we want advice for getting a girl and usually when things aren’t going so well. “Just be yourself,” we are told. So we remain whatever we are. We continue doing the things we have always done. And we don’t get the girl.
“Be yourself” is not only the most common piece of advice, it’s also the most useless. 99% of us spend our entire lives “just being ourselves.” A girl makes eye contact and we look at our shoes. Just being ourselves. A friend musters up the courage to talk to her and we knock him when he comes back numberless. Just being ourselves. We eat, sleep, and breathe ourselves. And when we wind up unsatisfied and seek advice, we are told to do more of the same.
Its time for something different.
Its time to choose ourselves.
So who do you want to be? Forget who you think you are. Chances are the personality you call your own—the one you think defines you—is just an accident. It’s an identity forged by triumphs and failures in middle school. You weren’t born with that personality; you didn’t pick it. It happened to you. So put it to the side and ask yourself: If you could design yourself from the ground up, what kind of person would you want to be?
I’ll go first. I want to be charismatic. I want people to be drawn to my infectious positivity and I want them to feel good when they are around me. I want to be funny, but I don’t want to cut anyone down for a laugh. I want girls to be madly attracted to me. I want to be courageous. I want to be genuine and honest with everyone in my life, especially when its tough. And I want to humble enough to admit when I am wrong.
Am I there yet? Absolutely not. I am going to have to take a good look at myself and honestly evaluate the ways in which I fall short of my own standards. I am going to have to admit some hard truths about the person I am and resist some of my most deeply-rooted habits. It is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done. A project that lasts a lifetime. And I do it because I know the amazing person I can become is 100% worth it.
Check out the 85-page Kickassery for more on living a kickass life. Once you’ve read it, you can also take advantage of a comped Skype consultation to help answer any questions and get you on the path to Kickassery