The books that deal with self improvement for men are the ones most guys get defensive about. Most guys protect their egos by refusing to accept they might have something to learn about girls or sex or making a living. It’s easier to put on the blinders than to admit deficiencies and begin the hard journey towards improvement.
The statistical truth is, most dudes are average at making money, getting girls, and having sex. Translation: they’re not particularly good at those things. I wasn’t. And I’m still not done improving.
It doesn’t matter. The point is not to be awesome. It’s to become awesome.
So check your ego at the door. Open your mind. Wider than its ever been. I’m about to imply you are bad with girls. I’m about to imply people don’t like you as much as they could. I’m about to imply that you aren’t blowing girls’ minds in bed.
And I’m about to imply that the solution is reading 7 books with ridiculously cheesy, self-helpy titles.
Deep breath. Cool?
For yourself, get over it. These books are staples of a kickass life. You’ve got nothing to lose in reading them but a few bucks and a few hours time. Pass them up at your own peril.
Self Improvement Books for Men: The Core 4
What it’s about: One man’s journey to learn to attract women. It’s about how he developed the SKILL to flirt, seduce, sleep with, and date the hottest, most desirable women out there.
What it does: It works. Despite all the sniggering from your cube-mates and co-workers and friends, it just flat out works.
I put this first because more than any other, this book was a turning point in my life. It taught me that anything can be learned.
Before The Game, I assumed that charisma was like height. I had what I was born with. And I was born with just enough charisma to win the senior superlative “Most Likely to Break out of His Shell in College.” C’est la vie.
I hooked up only when I was hammered. Or on the rare occasion where fate flung me into close quarters with an attractive girl long enough for me to slow play it. I never could have admitted it then, but between the blackout hookups and serendipitous ones, my love life was out of my control. With 3.5 billion women in the world, I couldn’t reliably date one I liked.
Flash forward 5 years.
Game has been the vehicle for the most fulfilling period of personal growth in my life. I’m often told, “You’re the most outgoing person” people have ever known. I can hook up pretty much whenever I want, though I turn down sex regularly because my standards have risen. My social and love lives are fantastic. I’m even teaching guys to make the same crazy shifts. 20 year-old me STILL doesn’t believe it.
I have the same “innate” charisma, the same looks, and I don’t mention money. I know that compared to Game, those all matter about as much as my zodiac sign.
I hope I continue to grow socially for the rest of my life. But I’ve come as far as I have because of the path The Game put me on. I can’t recommend it enough.
I’m including Magic Bullets in this first category because while The Game is biographical, Magic Bullets is a no nonsense guide to actually building your social skills. If you want to jump straight into cold approach pick up, I can’t think of a better beginner primer.
Edit: I have since written Kickassery which I think does a great job of distilling the best parts of these two books while adding an important moral element.
What it is about: A how-to guide on dramatically reducing the amount of time you spend on shit you don’t like. A paradigm buster of epic proportions.
What is does: Gives you clarity on what matters in your life and what you need to make it happen (financially and psychologically). Hint: The answer does NOT involve compound interest.
I pray to Thor, God of Thunder and king of the Avengers: May you find this book before you’ve invested your time and psychic well-being in climbing the corporate ladder. If thinking of your job gets you down and you don’t have a plan to get out FOR GOOD in the next 2 years, stop reading now, and pick up this book.
Tim says it best: most people’s idea of a a job “is predicated on the assumption that you dislike what you are doing during the most physically capable years of your life. This is a nonstarter—nothing can justify that sacrifice.” And after years of investing your energy into something you aren’t really even passionate about “your job description becomes your self description.”
Fuck. That. Noise.
This book tears that paradigm apart and gives you the perspective to become so much more than your job title. It will help you focus on the most important things in life and free your time to live fully.
3) Sex God Method (NSFW! Don’t click unless you’re cool with a naked chick popping up on screen)
What is is about: A method to become a sex god. Pretty straight forward.
What is does: Teaches you that sex isn’t mechanical. Good sex has so little to do with duration, or measurements, or numbers. It has everything to do with your frame and the (filthy) words coming out of your mouth.
Statistically speaking, you’re probably pretty average at sex. And you almost definitely rate yourself better than you are. Good news. You can JUMP in the ranks in 24 hours by reading one book. No lie.
Of all these books, this one is the one that you can implement in full force TODAY. You don’t need to practice your fingering technique. You don’t need to learn a secret new way to thrust.
Great sex isn’t about technical prowess. Great sex is about emotional arousal. Its about dirty talk, playing rough, and unleashing your inner cave man.
Read this and you’ll be better than 97% of guys by TONIGHT. For real.
Being awesome at sex is a superpower. Trust me when I say that it will affect your relationships in every single way. If you’re too embarrassed to read this book for yourself, then read it for the next girl you sleep with. She’ll thank you.
What it is about: How to make the people around you happier while getting more of what you want and need from your relationships.
What is does: Makes you a better person. Destroys shitty habits and replaces them with ones that will make people feel good being around you.
I credit this book with:
- Helping me convince my employer to let me work remotely from New York City
- Keeping open relationships positive for the girls involved
- Countless free chipotle burritos
- Pretty much every positive interaction I have
How to Win Friends is one of those books I’ll need to read every few months for the rest of my life. It is that important.
Forget that it has the shittiest name of all the shittily-named books on this list. How to Win Friends is basically the How To Guide for the human race. Don’t miss it.
If you’re good with people, if you have healthy relationships, if you can lead and persuade and make people feel good about being around you, you’ll live a charmed life.
This book is fantastic, but couldn’t quite make the mandatory list. The gulf is large. The above 4 books CHANGED MY LIFE. For me, the Six Pillars is just regular awesome-sauce.
Read this book to improve “your reputation with yourself.” It’s become a cliche that some of the most successful people–the ones who run their own business, sleep with hordes of beautiful women, and act like the happiest person in the world–really feel awful. It’s because of shit self esteem.
Improve your self esteem and you’ll feel fundamentally “alright” in the world.
If you doubt you can do the awesome things detailed in the other books, read this book. If you think you are God’s gift to women, read this book. If you can read, read this book.
(Some people struggle with the first 50 or so pages. Stick with it because the chapters on the pillars are where it’s at.)
I thought Tony Robbins sucked before I read this book.
I had seen footage of his seminars and it reminded me of a cultish, Pentecostal church. They still do. And with good reason. Like the Pentacostal Church, Tony is a master of altering people’s states and he is an amazing resource if you are interested in making changes in yourself and others.
You can use his stuff to help with approach anxiety, beat procrastination, stick to your diet, or to help others make positive changes in their lives.
If I were being ungenerous, I’d say that Awaken the Giant Within is a mass-marketed, long-winded intro to NLP with some added bells and whistles. Which it is. And it’s great.
Big for me, but not everybody’s cup of tea.
7, Ethical Slut
If you are at all curious about open relationships, this book will give you a peak into that world. It will show you that healthy, loving open relationships can exist and help you to manage some of the problems that can arise when you try to go open.
While short on tactical detail, this is a great intro to the world of open relationships. If you’re at all interested in multiple relationships, this book will open your mind to new possibilities. As for the lack of tactical detail, I’m working on a post to make up for the gap
There you have it. The 4 + 2 + 1 best self-improvement books for men. If you’re interested, you can check out my book, Kickassery, which was HEAVILY inspired by all of the above.